10 Men I Shouldn't Have Met In Paris

By: Emma Bentley

Paris is the city of romance, the city where couples come for lovey-dovey getaways and singles come in the hope of being whisked off their feet. Well, it’s not always the case. Here is the story of my expat experience in Paris, through a list of the top 10 men I should not have met.

1. Monsieur Le Propriétaire
   "Oui, Mademoiselle, this is a calm, peaceful apartment. You won't have any problems."
   He forgot to mention the weed-smoking stalker across the way, the psycho neighbours with a penchant for heavy rock at 2am and the devil stamping child who never allows me to forget that she lives upstairs.
   
   
2. Monsieur Unreliable
   I am introduced to him at a party. He is handsome, his eyes twinkle and his every touch makes my stomach do a small back flip. However, over a series of successive dates, he takes arriving fashionably late to new levels, peaking at just plain not turning up at all.
   
   
3. Monsieur Unfaithful
   One step worse than Mr Unreliable is Mr Unfaithful. This was at another party. We then have a date - dinner, drinks, dancing. There is champagne and there are also fireworks. Sweet nothings are exchanged, promises made, expectations are high. It's only when I find him on a certain social networking site the bubble bursts. "In a relationship."
   
   
4. Monsieur Le Bank Manager
   "Oh mais c'est dramatique!" Yes, I know, I know.
   If there's anything worse than a stiff, hard-nose bank manager, it's an incredibly camp French one who believes that absolutely everything is a cause for throwing his hands up in the air in the most dramatic fashion, lamenting the end of the world. In this case, it's the fact that I’m still waiting for one piece of paperwork that I need to open my account. "But what are we going to do??" he exclaims in desperation. You tell me, Monsieur.
   
   
5. Monsieur Romantic
   This Monsieur chats me up in the most romantic fashion. I swoon. He’s one of those artistic types. We spend afternoons in his luxury apartment, with the blinds down, listening to Seal's Greatest Hits, playing draughts and drinking Champagne. It’s the only thing he has in his fridge. Naturally. However, it turns sour. Monsieur Romantic is not equipped to deal with life's little imperfections. Coming from a different culture and being an expat who’s had to fall on her feet, I’m wired differently. He lives in that dream world, incapable of moving into what I would call the real world.
   
   
6. Monsieur Le Plumber
   Things go wrong around the house on Sunday. It's never Saturday, Monday or any of those other perfectly good days of the week, Sunday. In this case, it was the toilet. Monsieur Le Plumber is called out.
   
   
7. Monsieur Fix'It
   Also goes by the name of Cowboy Builder. A friend of Mr Plumber and together they write me an invoice for an eye-watering sum of money. This is shortly followed-up by a visit to Mr Bank Manager again.
   
   
8. Monsieur Light-Handed
   I couldn't even describe this Monsieur's face to you. All I remember is that he was young, dressed, you know, as a typical teenager and that it all happened in such a flash. One minute I was texting Miss Friend to tell her that I was on the métro and the next, he has snatched the phone out of my hand and run off with it. I scream so loudly that the train driver kindly gets out to investigate, but it's too late, he's got away.
   
   
9. Monsieur PC Plod
   Having had my brief encounter with Mr Light-Handed, I end up going downtown to make my statement and make the acquaintance of Mr PC Plod, Rather, I make the acquaintance of his baby-faced assistant. PC Plod, afterall, is still on his lunch break - yes, at 4pm in the afternoon.
   
   
10. Monsieur Le Dragueur
    He's one man and he's every man. He's the one that accosts you as you walk past that cute little café, he's the one who leches on you as you're waiting for the métro. He's the one who will try to grope you while you're laden down with shopping bags, He'll harass you as you're walking past regardless of whether it's two o'clock in the morning or in the afternoon, whether you're going down a dodgy alleyway or if you're in the city centre on a busy street. This is Paris and unfortunately, he is everywhere."