10 Men I Shouldn't Have Met In Paris
By: Emma BentleyParis is the city of romance, the city where couples come for lovey-dovey getaways and singles come in the hope of being whisked off their feet. Well, it’s not always the case. Here is the story of my expat experience in Paris, through a list of the top 10 men I should not have met.
- Monsieur Le Propriétaire
"Oui, Mademoiselle, this is a calm, peaceful apartment. You won't have any problems."
He forgot to mention the weed-smoking stalker across the way, the psycho neighbours with a penchant for heavy rock at 2am and the devil stamping child who never allows me to forget that she lives upstairs.
- Monsieur Unreliable
I am introduced to him at a party. He is handsome, his eyes twinkle and his every touch makes my stomach do a small back flip. However, over a series of successive dates, he takes arriving fashionably late to new levels, peaking at just plain not turning up at all.
- Monsieur Unfaithful
One step worse than Mr Unreliable is Mr Unfaithful. This was at another party. We then have a date - dinner, drinks, dancing. There is champagne and there are also fireworks. Sweet nothings are exchanged, promises made, expectations are high. It's only when I find him on a certain social networking site the bubble bursts. "In a relationship."
- Monsieur Le Bank Manager
"Oh mais c'est dramatique!" Yes, I know, I know.
If there's anything worse than a stiff, hard-nose bank manager, it's an incredibly camp French one who believes that absolutely everything is a cause for throwing his hands up in the air in the most dramatic fashion, lamenting the end of the world. In this case, it's the fact that I’m still waiting for one piece of paperwork that I need to open my account. "But what are we going to do??" he exclaims in desperation. You tell me, Monsieur.
- Monsieur Romantic
This Monsieur chats me up in the most romantic fashion. I swoon. He’s one of those artistic types. We spend afternoons in his luxury apartment, with the blinds down, listening to Seal's Greatest Hits, playing draughts and drinking Champagne. It’s the only thing he has in his fridge. Naturally. However, it turns sour. Monsieur Romantic is not equipped to deal with life's little imperfections. Coming from a different culture and being an expat who’s had to fall on her feet, I’m wired differently. He lives in that dream world, incapable of moving into what I would call the real world.
- Monsieur Le Plumber
Things go wrong around the house on Sunday. It's never Saturday, Monday or any of those other perfectly good days of the week, Sunday. In this case, it was the toilet. Monsieur Le Plumber is called out.
- Monsieur Fix'It
Also goes by the name of Cowboy Builder. A friend of Mr Plumber and together they write me an invoice for an eye-watering sum of money. This is shortly followed-up by a visit to Mr Bank Manager again.
- Monsieur Light-Handed
I couldn't even describe this Monsieur's face to you. All I remember is that he was young, dressed, you know, as a typical teenager and that it all happened in such a flash. One minute I was texting Miss Friend to tell her that I was on the métro and the next, he has snatched the phone out of my hand and run off with it. I scream so loudly that the train driver kindly gets out to investigate, but it's too late, he's got away.
- Monsieur PC Plod
Having had my brief encounter with Mr Light-Handed, I end up going downtown to make my statement and make the acquaintance of Mr PC Plod, Rather, I make the acquaintance of his baby-faced assistant. PC Plod, afterall, is still on his lunch break - yes, at 4pm in the afternoon.
- Monsieur Le Dragueur
He's one man and he's every man. He's the one that accosts you as you walk past that cute little café, he's the one who leches on you as you're waiting for the métro. He's the one who will try to grope you while you're laden down with shopping bags, He'll harass you as you're walking past regardless of whether it's two o'clock in the morning or in the afternoon, whether you're going down a dodgy alleyway or if you're in the city centre on a busy street. This is Paris and unfortunately, he is everywhere."
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Contest Comments » There are 17 comments
This article was too funny. Good job.
Really good list!! There are so many of these Messieurs in la Belle France :)
I would add Monsieur l'Artiste - who, after explaining that I am getting my MBA in Art Business, proclaims "Moi aussi, je suis artiste!" Extra emphasis on the second T in artiste to the point of near spitting. Then proceeds to show me a few magic tricks.
Wow, I've just stumbled back upon this post and I'm really blown away by all your kind comments. I'm sorry not to be able to reply to you all individually - but I wanted you all to know anyway that I'm really touched. :)
Nice idea, and beautifully put together. I bet Mr Plombier is a hand thrower too. Monsieur Autre Concurrent
Witty! I could really relate to it :) Very good!!
Mr Bank Manager is my favourite.
Very amusing and also rather relate-able! Love the blog too! Nice work Ems!
Cute! And yet so true...
Fortunately I could not find myself in these 10 guys :)
I did chuckle all the way through this - M. le Proprietaire seems like an accurate representation of landlords everywhere!
Emma, I couldn't resist the title. Seriously clever. I don't know about the dating scene because I brought my very own Captain America with me to France, but you sure made me laugh. I hope there's a Monsieur Parfait somewhere in Paris for you. Bisous from the south of France, Aidan
That's funny, I think I've met them all when I lived there!
Love this Emma!! Thanks for the laughs!!
Funny and well written! Good luck!