The New Australian

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The New Australian
A prejudiced and jaundiced view of Australia from the cynical eye of a recent immigrant.
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  • "Accessorising my beard" 9 hours ago Another shitty business trip, another visit to a shitty country town, albeit one with an excellent real ale venue. The local Christchurch rag, when not wasting tens of pages detailing all the reasons why all the other participant teams in the Rugby World Cup are just there to make up the numbers...
  • When is a weapon not a weapon? 3 days ago When it’s a “cultural heritage”. For centuries, my ancestors have relied on the long bow to see off various invaders and unwelcome types. In times of peace, it was a useful hunting weapon to ensure that my forebears’ stomachs remained full. To an Englishman, the long bow has a deep...
  • Carry your visa at all times 6 days ago Operation Fortitude didn’t happen this weekend. If it were to happen, what would it have entailed? Apparently, members of Her Majesty’s Australian Border Force would have been wandering the streets of Melbourne checking people’s visa status to ensure nobody is here without permission or is...
  • Except for Opotiki 1 week ago I’ve got to head over to 1987 New Zealand next week to give some people more bad news. Look on the bright side folks; spring is coming so you’ve got plenty of time to tidy up the garden. Maybe use the new free time to learn about Lotus 123? Anyway, the client has a subscription to […]
  • It's just a rumour that was spread around town 1 week ago Despite swearing blind that I’d never visit the Ice-addiction capital of Australia StabYerDadAlaide ever again, I found myself down there for a jaunty two day visit. The local rag seems to be a single issue newspaper focused purely on the progress of petitioning the Federal government to force...

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