The New Australian

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The New Australian
A prejudiced and jaundiced view of Australia from the cynical eye of a recent immigrant.
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  • More questions than answers 2 days ago I passed the citizenship test today. The average IQ of both Britain and Australia is about to be raised by my switching of allegiance….. The test is simplicity itself, simply choose “Don Bradman” or “Bowled underarm” as the answer to the sports questions and you’re halfway there...
  • Not berry good 3 days ago It’s a wake-up call, apparently.   THE human infection of Hepatitis A through frozen berries from China and Chile has prompted calls for more stringent produce accreditation for imported fruits and vegetables. Last weekend Patties Foods recalled its Nanna’s Frozen Mixed Berries one kilogram...
  • Australia's new export; mediocrity 4 days ago This organ has previously made the observation that the competency of work colleagues in Australia correlates neatly to their country of birth and their overseas work experience. Thus; - Born overseas or born in Australia but has had a significant career in a major overseas metropolis – likely to...
  • Sorry, can you run that by me again? 1 week ago Some more Australian sportsmen have been caught up in a drugs scandal. Of course, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to predict a non-salubrious future for someone with a name like “Karmichael Hunt“. That’s two surnames, surely? See also, Wendell Sailor, Campbell Newman, Hunter...
  • Oh, Mrs. Mendicott what am I to do 1 week ago I’ve only got three bullets and there’s four in Mötley Crüe? Thank you Telstra for using my browsing history to identify the genre of music I like and targeting the adverts accordingly. You might want to work on that algorithm some more however. I would rather slam my cock in a drawer for two...

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